Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
