So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
