Got a toothbrush?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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