I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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