so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
