my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
