you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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