she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm having to shit out rocks
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
