He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
should my penis look like a turkey
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
