My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
