Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
