Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
