I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
