Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
