ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
