I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
