i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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