in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
