I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i will never coherently bang her
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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