they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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