im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
