3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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