Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
