That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
