I puked a lego.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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