4 words: hood of his car
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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