Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
