You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
