I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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