go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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