i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
