Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
