69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
