over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
