So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
