Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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