she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
