He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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