and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
