you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
