It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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