you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Sorry my hands just texted you
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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