I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
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