ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I cut my penus on the lid.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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