remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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