i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
