i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Drunk is not a location!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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