I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
