just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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