She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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