I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
