Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
