dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
