I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
